Don't slowroll.

I can get annoyed with a lot of things, but the only thing that really makes me angry is when people in a position of power use it to knowingly and "just because I can" screw others over. Kicking on someone who's down, stepping on ants, etc.

And so, the one thing that really, really gets to me at a poker table is when someone slowrolls the nuts on the river. I can take virtually any berating that gets thrown at me for "playing bad" and I can - mostly always - handle being beaten by a two outer. But I tilt so very hard when someone slowrolls. Not because I lost the hand - that in itself is no worse than just a regular bad beat - but because they're knowingly and willfully being assholes about it.

The hand in itself was nothing spectacular. A bad loose/aggressive player who can make river laydowns called two barrels in position from me on a 4-7-9-K board and when the river came with a K, I shoved for about a pot sized bet and he pauses for awhile. Says "Thanks!"

... doesn't call...

"lol" he says.

... doesn't call, almost times out.

Calls with one second on the clock and - by now I had guessed it, as have you, of course - KK.

Me, I had a busted draw - JT - and was banking on him folding a better draw or a smaller pair to my shove (which I think is justified thinking based on the history between us), but that's neither here nor there. He could have had ace-high and called and I would still have been beaten. I realized when I shoved that I had a very good shot at losing my stack.

But slowrolling is so despicable. It's the cop who gives you a ticket when both you and he knows you weren't speeding, but he doesn't like the way you look and knows you're screwed either way. It's the teacher who gives you a worse grade on a paper because you don't particularly like each other. It's the popular guys in high school who pick on the inseceure kid with a broken home.

It represents the absolute worst trait I know in humans. And I hate it.

I called him on it. I don't swear or type in profanities in the chat box, but what I said was "seriously, slowrolling is so incredibly rude. Don't do it."

"why not? lol, loser."

The conversation ended there. And that short exchange confirmed that it wasn't just a mistake. He wasn't excited about getting quads and just being busy trying to take a screenshot or calling his wife over to come see or anything like that. He was just intentionally trying to be a prick.

And I tilted so hard. I was fuming. My heart was pounding hard and I could feel my head getting warm. I didn't leave the table until he was bust. I didn't get to bust him, and I didn't get to take much of his money, but - and this is rare for me - I took pleasure in every pot he lost. A good argument could probably be made for not continuing to play when I was tilting, but I knew I was tilting. So I tightened up. And I willingly lost a bit of win-rate just to sit there and see him lose his money. I believe the term is "opportunity cost."

...

Anyway, I've had a rough couple of days at poker, but have managed to win enough pots without going to showdown (picking spots to bluff is so extremely much easier when I'm playing four tables that it's not even funny) to scrape by with a break-even result for the past few days. So no complaints, really.

Besides losing some faith in humanity.